Allowing Our Kids to Watch Us Grow!

Contributed by Nickie Smith

Five years ago, my youngest boy (we have three boys and one girl, ages 13, 11, 10, and 8) stepped into his first BJJ class at EGA. He fell right into place and it became just a natural extension of his being. After watching a while, and having
previously trained just enough to have gotten a taste for BJJ, my husband jumped in feet first and will be training BJJ till he dies or will die trying. As the year progressed, my husband kept asking me to give it a try. For the longest time I looked at him like he had two heads because why in the world would I choose to walk around sore and bruised? However, as I continued to spend a few hours a week in the basement of 320 Main Street, curiosity began to get the best of me. 

In the fall of 2019 my other three kids decided it was time to give this sport a whirl; for countless hours they had watched their brother, and then their dad, participate and have fun and were ready to give it a try, too! The games, the coaches, and the uniform (my daughter needed a pink gi) might’ve been part of the lure. With all five of my people training, I couldn’t be left out.

 

 

On October 3rd, my youngest boy’s birthday, I grabbed my very own gi with its crisp white belt, and hopped in the car all by myself relying on muscle memory to get me to EGA. Nerves just about got the best of me as I intentionally showed up to class just minutes before it began. I walked down those steps just as I had a million times before, but this time was different! I was getting ready to put myself in a super vulnerable spot. After all, I was an overweight, out of shape, late 30’s mom of four (you know what happens to your core after having four kids in five years?!) walking into a room full of dudes having close to no clue what to do. Now having logged some time training, I’ve been able to  reflect and think through what kept me going after the first few classes. Here are some thoughts I would love to share with other parents. Kids can only benefit from watching their parents try new things. Here are just a few ways we all can grow through this.

 

• Modeling growth mindset: When we, as parents, try new things we are modeling a growth mindset, which emphasizes the importance of learning and development. This will help our kids develop a similar mindset and hopefully become more open to trying new things themselves.
• Resilience: Trying new things can be challenging and even uncomfortable (BJJ hit all the uncomfortable areas for me: mental, emotional, physical…). But as a parent, I chose to model persistence and perseverance. Feeling that discomfort helped me remember what they may be feeling stepping into a new place or into a new discipline. I can better encourage and understand them as they learn to push through and develop resilience.
• Normalizing failures and mistakes: My kids watch me go through day to day life taking care of many things, in their eyes, with little effort. What they haven’t seen are the years of trial and many errors. When parents try new things, it’s an incredible opportunity for their kids to see that making mistakes and even failing is a normal part of the learning process. It’s a great way to learn! You know the phrase, “Sometimes you’re the hammer and sometimes you’re the nail?” My kids have seen me getting pinned, wrapped up, submitted, and even tossed around more times than not. They also see me get back up and go at it again, just like we ask of them. Let me also take a second to encourage anyone maybe considering BJJ but thinks they may be in the way, the worst student ever, or just incapable: The culture at EGA is truly incredible. Remember, I started from a life of mom-ing and that’s about it. I was not regularly exercising, am not naturally athletic, and have zero background in any of this. The ONLY person that has ever made me feel like I don’t belong on the mats is myself. Everyone else has encouraged, helped, shown patience, and have genuinely become some of my favorite people in the world.
  

  The day we ALL competed! AKA: The longest day of our lives.

• Strengthening family bonds: Just as you try new things in relationships to get to know each other, grow closer, and have a shared interest, do this with your children and as a family! Being able to have full blown conversations about details of a new technique, watching videos and tutorials together, going over frustrations of training, showing empathy over the latest ache and pain from working hard…what a gift!

I could have NEVER predicted that this sport and this basement gym in Beacon, NY would have become one of the greatest joys of my life. Swallowing my fear and stepping onto the mats has changed me and the trajectory of my life, and by default, my kids lives as well. I am mentally and physically stronger, I have a confidence I had never known, I’m physically and emotionally healthier, I have friends that I would have never known otherwise, my ability to better empathize with and also nudge my kids along is invaluable, and I know we will all fondly recall this season of our lives. If you’ve hung with me this long, consider this your invitation to give something new (I vote BJJ!) a try! Whether your kids join in or not, let them see you try, fail, push, learn, grow, succeed, fail again, hurt, experience joy, make new friends, and become a more well-rounded person in this crazy world. Let’s be the inspiration for the next generation of confident, curious, capable, and adaptable people!

 

EGA is excited to announce the addition of an Adult BJJ class that coincides with our kids classes on Mondays and Wednesdays! Starting March 1st you and your kids can train at the same time! Talk to Coach Mike about getting started!